Most Muslims here are really alienated from Muslim institutions - studies show very few have any connection at all with an Islamic organisation. Average weekly religious attendance for Christians and Jews is something like 40 per cent. For Muslims, it's only 6 per cent. This rang an alarm bell for us. Existing groups represent Islam as a largely foreign, ultra-conservative faith, so there isn't really anything geared toward Muslims who are not conservative.

MuslimWakeUp.com is a place where people can discuss Islamic issues in something other than the most pious terms. We even have a column called Sex & the Umma [community]. Since we started in January 2003, we've become the top site in North America targeting American Muslims, with 70,000 to 100,000 unique visitors a month. This month we launched the Progressive Muslim Union of North America to support a more inclusive, broader definition of what being a Muslim is. We don't feel we need to judge who's a good or bad Muslim by virtue of how much they pray or whether they eat pork or whether they are homosexual. We're looking for an expression of Islam that says it's okay to be who you are.

We're never going to persuade the conservatives to accept a tolerant view of the Muslim community. We need to build our own institutions. We're not under the impression that this is going to be easy or quick, but I think what we'll end up with - I think it's inevitable - is a new stream within the community that is more liberal.

A lot of it has to do with not wanting to live a double standard. Most Muslims here go to the same movies as most people, read the same magazines and papers. They have a regular American life. But whenever they attend a mosque they slip into a whole different world where you have to act a certain way. That's why there's such huge disaffection. Women and men can't pray next to each other. Homosexuals are tolerated only on a don't-ask, don't-tell basis. The requirements can be insanely minute. One imam just ruled that using emoticons in e-mail is haram [forbidden], because of the ban on representational images.

Other faiths have been able to get beyond this and figure out at least the basics of modernity. We speak for the amazing level of diversity in the community. That includes highly devout people who have had enough of exclusivism and literalism, as well as people who may not be all that religious but who have a strong connection as Muslims for cultural or social or family reasons. We want to unite these groups for the first time to work toward greater acceptance of diversity, as well as to reach out to the greater American public and other faith groups with a message that values justice, compassion, and human rights at its core.

One of the first things we want to do is to help establish progressive prayer spaces where people don't feel intimidated or threatened. Resources will be a big challenge - a lot of the money in the Muslim community comes from conservatives.

We need to reclaim Islam from the extremist elements that have defined it for us. The fact that this is an organic effort from within the community ultimately is the best way to really fight extremism and dogmatism. Ultra-conservatives need to understand that in a way we're their best hope, because if we don't push them to reform, other people are going to force them, and they're not going to be in the picture anymore.

As told to Mark Wallace

Ahmed Nassef, 37, is an American Muslim, co-editor of website MuslimWakeUp.com and co-founder of the newly launched Progressive Muslim Union of North America.